“You’ve got a bad attitude” Dave’s dad would say. He apparently looked at the facial expression, the demeanor, and behavior and determined that Dave wasn’t measuring up to some standard he had. That clearly was the takeaway, not measuring up. But what was the standard? What was the attitude supposed to look like? And by declaring a “bad attitude”, what was Dave to do differently? It was never made clear. Kevin, our son, was a [...]

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” - Mathew 7:7-8   The door to your child’s spirit is seemingly closed. Their behavior is not in alignment with your wishes. Their tone in dialogue with you is conflicted and bordering on disrespectful. Is [...]

Communication is when the thoughts, ideas, and emotions within a person are effectively re-created in understanding within another person. Perfect communication would be a 1:1 event which rarely occurs, particularly in exchanges with children. Using words, for example, a parent would ask a child “Bring me the small red ball” out of numerous colored balls of differing sizes. And if the child sorted through and picked out the small red ball and brought it to [...]

We received an email from a weary mom who has been diligently trying to be consistent with setting expectations for behavior.  She’s been trying to teach the moral and practical reason why of right behavior and discipline her kids with encouragement and appropriate correction as needed.  However, she feels like she’s losing the battle as she holds on to her resolve by a thread.  We think this challenge is very common and know many parents [...]

The Howards are HUGE football fans!  In fact, we’ve had Denver Bronco season tickets in our family since 1968.  With the 2022 pro football season kicking off next week, we are reminded of a coaching philosophy that applies to many areas of our lives.  It’s the idea of playing to win versus playing to not lose. In football, there is a particular strategy that some coaches use to protect the lead when the game is [...]

When our youngest son was in high school, he contemplated suicide. The length and seriousness of those thoughts aren’t definable, but that he had them in our family is not just a statistic to us. We didn’t know that he felt isolated and depressed, we only heard it in an offhanded way many years later. We asked his permission to write about this topic as a gift and a warning to you. If you’ve read [...]

This week our youngest son Alex is moving into his own apartment in a new city, a new state with a new job.  It seems just like yesterday we were dropping him off at college, setting up his dorm room… and driving away. Now here we are, just 4 years later, with college graduation in the rear-view mirror. Looking back at all the many years of heart training, setting the moral standard, instructing the countless [...]