Our adult children enjoy that their siblings are a part of their inner circle. When our children were college students they connected regularly about life’s issues. When our kids were in high school and middle school, they leaned on each other during times of drama, accepted one another’s company among their friends, and shared life as part of the Marr team. The connection and loyalty we see today did not appear suddenly in adulthood; it did not overcome childhood rivalry to suddenly cherish their common family bond; it was built steadily over years of shared experiences, guided expectations, and intentional encouragement toward one another.

Looking back, we realize that sibling closeness is not accidental. It grows when children understand they are not competitors for love but partners in something larger than themselves. Parents set this tone early. When comparison is minimized and cooperation is praised, children begin to see each other not as rivals but as allies. Family identity becomes stronger than individual momentary conflict.

There were certainly disagreements, hurt feelings, and occasional battles along the way. But those moments became opportunities to teach repair rather than division. We encouraged apologies that restored relationship, conversations that clarified misunderstanding, and forgiveness that allowed everyone to move forward. Over time, the children learned that conflict did not threaten belonging; it strengthened it when handled well. Skills learned and perspectives earned as young children become critical tools as teenagers.

One of the unexpected blessings of sibling encouragement is that children often hear truths from one another that they resist from parents. Advice given by a brother or sister carries a different weight. Encouragement offered peer-to-peer often lands more deeply. By fostering trust between siblings, parents multiply the voices of wisdom available to their children long after Mom and Dad step back.

Today, watching our children walk through adulthood together — celebrating victories, carrying burdens, and seeking each other’s counsel — reminds us that family trust expands outward. What began as guided play in childhood became mutual support in adulthood. The goal was never simply peaceful childhood years, but lifelong relationships rooted in shared trust, loyalty, and love.

Here are some thoughts:

  1. “Your friends will come and go, but you’ll have your brother and sister in your life forever. You ARE best friends” – Can’t be said enough. 
  2. Teach your kids to celebrate each other’s victories. Teach them to congratulate each other when something good happens in sports or school. For birthdays go around the dinner table and have each child comment on the birthday boy or girl’s notable positive qualities. “Why I love my sister is because she is always nice to me.”
  3. Have the kids share fun experiences. Our kids slept under the Christmas tree every Christmas Eve, looking at the lights, talking through the night, waiting for Santa.
  4. Traveling together and game night creates memories that kids cherish. Sharing memories can only happen if they make them.
  5. Look at the child’s heart for their motivations: Do they tattle and take pleasure in the other child’s problem? That schadenfreude (taking pleasure in other’s misfortune) eats at family trust and must be stopped. Sibling rivalry is good in healthy moderation, but only when it brings out positive growth. Telling on a sibling should only occur when danger is present.
  6. Have the siblings plan surprises. “Hey, it’s your sister’s birthday next week, let’s go buy her a present, you can hide it, and we’ll have her go on a treasure hunt! But you can’t tell her.” This helps build self-control and trust. Also, “You’re a big girl and you know there’s no Santa or Easter Bunny, but your brother doesn’t. We don’t want to spoil it for him.”
  7. By practicing otherness, brothers and sisters learn how to gain self-control, conflict resolution and compromise, listening and articulating, and, importantly, reconciliation and emotional resolution. You’re teaching them the skills to become a successful future husband or wife.
  8. Catch your kids being friends and comment on it. By bringing out in the open for them to see what kind of behavior is desired, they can grow to be more intentional about it.

It’s hard to come up with something more satisfying than having your children enjoy one another’s company with uncontrolled laughter, deep conversations, intimate trust, and lifelong friendship.

Many blessings,

Lis and Dave

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Online Parenting Class

Parenting the Middle Years (7 yrs–Teens) – Builds on PFTOL, preparing parents for the teen years
Wednesdays, February 11, 2026 – 5 sessions
6:00-7:00pm PT, 7:00-8:00pm MT, 8:00-9:00pm CT, 9:00-10:00 ET
More info & registration: https://events.humanitix.com/midyrs-0326

 

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