Before your child is 10 play this mental game: “Grab a live chicken. Got ‘em? Ok, now pluck all the feathers off the chicken. Get in there and pull them from the wings, the back, the tail. Get ‘em all. They all gone? Ok, now, put all the feathers back on the chicken.” A plucked chicken is good and plucked. Some decisions are irreversible. We played this game, and our adult children remember it.
Here’s another topic: “Why is it that peer pressure is always downward? Why can’t peer pressure lift and encourage? Expect peers to pressure to do something you don’t want to do. And you’ll feel like you want to do it just to fit in. Is it worth it?”
How about: “Daddy, have you ever smoked marijuana?” The answer: “I was always afraid that I’d do something I couldn’t get out of, get in trouble, or hurt myself. I was afraid I’d lose control and be someone I’m not. Plus, I want to take care of my mind.”
The theme here is – How can you make an impression on your kids so they don’t take that one fatal step? One very obvious way to live a happy life of well-being is to take catastrophe out of play. It only makes sense that if you avoid calamitous events, you at least will avoid the misery that accompanies deep difficulties. We don’t know where our influence as parents stops, but we do have the most meaningful impact on the lives of our children. Therefore, creating a mindset when kids are young helps them avoid future problems.
A recent article in the Washington Examiner “reported that almost 20% of those aged 12 and older used marijuana in 2021, with 16 million suffering from “cannabis use disorder,” which is the inability to stop taking the drug even as it causes health and social problems.”
Think about that! How many years until your child is 12? Not many. When our boys were playing lacrosse in middle school and high school, it was commonplace that a few teammates would come to practice high from smoking weed. And this was before marijuana was legal here in Colorado!! There’s plenty of stats describing the horrors of pot leading to a life of misery. Certainly not everyone crashes, but enough to be concerned about the influence on your child. Your children will be exposed to the negative pull of society outside of your view, but not outside your influence.
Therefore, creating a family environment today from which your children are more likely to avoid dangerous situations requires exerting whatever influence you do have beyond the usual “talk about drugs”.
- Marriage: Nothing can compete with a strong marriage when it comes to child safety and success. Demonstrate what a strong marriage looks like by overtly connecting in front of them, showing them what a functional relationship looks like. CouchTime is OneFamily’s favorite reference for that. Invest in your marriage with seminars and tune-ups. (SYMBIS Online Assessment & Marriage Checkup / Reconnect)
- Community: If your children will be subject to peer pressure, you have influence over who their friends are. Be discerning. As your family gets established, gather to yourself like-minded families who uplift each other. Seek them out and create a community with them. This will strengthen your marriage and improve your parenting.
- Talk with your children about what makes your family special. We had a gazillion discussions at the dinner table about all topics, but one common refrain was Family Identity – what we were about and what we did and didn’t do. Our adult children recall this as meaningful as they look back.
- Peer pressure will exist for your children as the most competitive influence to yours. Be involved. Dads should call the family their kids are visiting if they are unknown entities. Will the parents be there? Do they know all the kids personally? Will they touch base periodically? Be that guy.
- Driving dangers are obvious. Getting in the car with an irresponsible driver (texting?) can be worse than taking drugs. We actually saw a young girl cover her eyes as she was approaching a potential car conflict. She had 3 passengers!
You may be a young family where this reality seems forever down the road. But family culture is a series of building blocks. And it is family culture that is the number one tool to prevent your child’s chicken from being permanently plucked.
To keeping healthy family feathers,
Lis and Dave
GFI Parenting Conference – April 19-20, Denver, CO
For the first time, the minds behind Growing Kids Gods Way, Babywise and The Life Series – Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo, Rich & Julie Young, and Dr. Robert & Gayle Bucknam – will be coming together to share new insights and encouragement for your parenting journey! Don’t miss these parenting pioneers!
https://events.humanitix.com/gfi-2024